Family.

I chose my own family. I chose well.

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For most people – I do apologise if I’ve badly generalised – that I have met, their family consists of parents (including stepparents), siblings and grandparents with the odd aunt, uncle and cousin thrown in for good measure. Some class them as family out of some misguided sense of obligation or loyalty, some class them as family because they’ve been told that these people are part of their family through relation or marriage. Me? I class family as the people who deserve to be called just that. Sadly, this means I class more of Joe’s family as my own than I do of the people who are meant to be in mine. 

Aside from my Mum, siblings and grandparents, I don’t really count much of my “family” as that. They’re relations, but not family. They haven’t been there through the tough times we’ve had – unless they had a way to make themselves look good. Sure, I have an aunt and a couple of cousins who fall into my bracket of “family”, but that’s it.

I grew up without a Dad, but when he came looking for me, something compelled me to give him a chance, even with the 18 year gap and the reasons I knew for that. Curiosity? Reassurance? Closure? Answers? A relationship? In all honesty it was probably all the above. But, what did I get? Nothing. No answers, no relationship, just a bunch of excuses. Sure, he tried to fake interest in my life, what I was doing and what life had been like, but there was no truth in it. He found me to, well, I’m not actually sure.

The only positive thing that has come from actually meeting him was the brother I found out I had – who I am now trying to build a relationship with despite cutting our “dad” from my life. I refuse to have my children growing up with an in-out granddad who doesn’t actually care.

To me, family are the ones who are there for you and actually care. They’re the ones you can rely on. They are not people you are related to – to me, those people are simply relations, not family.

They say you can’t choose your family. I disagree. The people I class as family, I have chosen to class as just that. What’s your definition of family and who do you choose to include?

C.x

Author: itsjustlittleoldme

C.x

14 thoughts on “Family.”

  1. This post really resonates with me. I, too, believe that being a relative does not make you “family”, and this is a view that does not always sit well with others. I do subscribe to the thought that if someone is related by birth or marriage it grants them your automatic love and loyalty. While I am close to some actual family members, most of my “family” consists of the amazing friends that have come into my life. I completely agree with your line of thinking here!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Unfortunately, due to experience I can’t really grant someone automatic love and loyalty due to that relation – I used to, but I feel I’ve been burned too many times.
      A lot of my family is made up of the amazing family I gained when I met Joe.
      Thank you for commenting 🙂
      C.x

      Like

  2. Great post! I followed the link you left on Karen’s blog (fillyourownglass)! Family for me is both those who are related to me and those I choose as a family. But just because I love someone and they love me, doesn’t mean that the relationship works out always. If there is one person who gives more than the other, over the span of a few years, the imbalance starts to be felt…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading and commenting.
      I agree that it’s definitely hard to be on the effort making side of a relationship while the other doesn’t do much.
      After a lot of learning I’ve found that I’d rather choose who I call my family, it makes life a lot happier.
      C.x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It does! And I think the world would be such a better place if everyone knew how to surround themselves with joy. Also sometimes it’s not the person per say that’s problematic, just the relationship…

        Like

  3. We cannot chose our relations; they become that by default, but ofcourse, family is made up of those that make up our home.
    Family makes life tick.
    Family sticks through thick and thing.
    Not every relative deserves to be family.
    I share your sentiments.
    Joe must be awesome!
    Lovely post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The people I class as family have done all that, relations by default not so much.
      Joe is awesome, very awesome.
      Thank you 🙂
      C.x

      Like

  4. It would be easy if the connection we have with family through blood is enough to ensure us of loyalty and respect but in some cases that is not true. I have witnessed some people get hurt over and over again in the process of trying to build a relationship with family due to the blood connection. I can totally agree with your definition of family. Powerful post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s saddening because surely your relations should be the ones you can rely on no matter what and this just isn’t the case sometimes.
      Sometimes you just need to let yourself go.
      Thank you for engaging, I’m glad you enjoyed the post.
      C.x

      Liked by 1 person

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