I’m currently on the bus to work scrolling through various social media sites when I come across this photo.
Okay, I wanted to keep writing happier posts, but I’m actually finding it really difficult at the moment. This isn’t a post to try and get a reaction or anything, more one to just get things off of my chest before I explode!
A lot is going on at the moment, both good and bad. Joe has a new job, I’m applying to go back to university to climb the ladder in my career and we’re saving (sort of) towards our future. That’s all so good and I really am so happy! The only thing is, there’s also some bad, or uncomfortable, stressful things happening.
My Granddad is ill… cancer. As if it hasn’t plagued the world enough, it’s come back to hit our family again not even a year after we lost my Nan. I’m ill, but we don’t know how ill. If I’m lucky, this course of antibiotics I’m on (that’s making me feel super rough by the way) will fix it. If I’m not? I’m not sure I even want to think about that. And I just got some news, news that I can’t share with you all yet because I’ve been asked not to say anything.
I joked a minute ago to a woman I was working with that I was going to be signed off work with stress – I won’t be, but I needed to laugh.
It’s that time again. Time for Chrissie to be strong. Time for me to be there for everyone. Time for me to be the person everyone needs me to be at the moment. I know Joe is there for me. And I know I’ve got this platform to let off some steam on.
I hope everyone else is having a better time than I am at the moment! I just needed to vent!
Why do job applications have to be so difficult?!
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “The Satisfaction of a List.”
- Get married.
- Have children.
- Travel Europe.
- Excel in my career.
- Go on a cruise.
- Make the most of every second with the people I love.
- Get a PHD and become a Dr.
- Change my name (that comes with getting married).
- Make the ones I love proud.
- Be as happy as I can be.
I know a lot of my posts lately have been based around not so happy thoughts and I’d just like to apologise if it’s made people feel down at all. I’ve had a lot on my mind lately and so I’m using this platform for what I signed up for – a safe place to let my thoughts out if I needed to.
From now on, I’m going to try and post some happier posts focusing on the positives of life, not just the loss I’ve suffered. For example, in the next couple of days I’m applying to University again to take the next steps in my career! So keep your fingers crossed for me!
Oh, and it’s Friday tomorrow! Always a happy time.
Don’t forget about the promotion post I’ve got at the top of my site, it’s for all of you to use if you’d like to! Promote your work and find some new blogs to follow!
I know you’ll never leave me but I do know that you’ll fade. I know that one day I’ll be able to go a day without feeling the pain I feel because of you every day.
After all the things that have happened in my lifetime, the number of bruises has steadily increased but I’m getting better at hiding them. I’m getting better at hiding them, at dealing with the pain, at stopping people seeing the pain they cause.
I’ve accepted you’re never leaving and I’ve accepted what you are. You’re a constant reminder of what I’ve been through. A reminder of how strong I’ve been to get through it all. A reminder to myself that I can get through anything life throws at me, no matter how big the bruise I have that’s left.
A conversation I remember clearly, one that will always stay with me is when I asked Nanny if she was scared.
Joe and I had gone to visit her and Granddad not long after we found out there was nothing left the doctors could do, Joe and Granddad went to the pub and I stayed with Nanny. I needed some time with her. I needed to ask her something.
I needed to know if she was scared of dying, of leaving us. She said no, she wasn’t scared of dying but she is worried about Granddad. She was worrying how he would cope when she was gone. Continue reading “Are you scared?”