Some of you may know that on Saturday afternoon I lost my Granddad after a short battle with bowel and liver cancer. The only upside is that he’s back with my Nanny where I knew he wanted to be from the moment she left us last year.
Everyone keeps saying that they’re sorry and asking if there’s anything they can do. But the truth is, apologies mean nothing, and realistically there isn’t anything anyone can do to make this pain go away. Nothing. Because they’re gone and there’s nothing any of us can do about it. I just need to find a way to accept it and try and move on… is that even possible?
I’m convinced the reason my Granddad got cancer was because all he wanted was to be back with my Nan. I can understand that – they were soulmates, best friends, made for each other. I just wish it didn’t have to be such a horrible thing that tore him away so quickly. I only saw him a few weeks ago and now he’s gone.
I’m in a horrible state at the moment. Going from forgetting, feeling nothing, crying, feeling nothing, feeling like a zombie to forgetting again. It’s horrible. I just want to cry and get this horrible grief out of the way. It’s too much to deal with and I have no idea what I’m doing. I wouldn’t let myself grieve for Nanny for that exact reason. I didn’t know how to!
Now I have no choice. I need to find a way to deal with this, accept it and make sure I live my life to the full.