Just because you donated DNA does not make you my Dad.

I’m not sure if I’ve shared this with you all before, but I need to get a lot off my chest and my other platforms don’t really seem appropriate. 

When I was 18, my “Dad” reached out to me via Facebook after he had not been in my life for around 17-18 years. There are a lot of reasons for this, my Mum kept him away, but for our safety. He didn’t try and get contact. He instead sent my Mum a letter saying he’d seen me walking around. Mum then got a solicitor to send him a letter asking him to stay away. This is a real simplified version of the story, just know my Mum did exactly the right thing.

Anyway, we started talking and sort of built a relationship. I told him I wanted him in my life but I didn’t need a dad anymore, I was an adult. He accepted it at the time.

Anyway, as time went on, it became me making the effort more and more, with him never making the first move. I confronted him, and he said he didn’t know how to show his emotions because he’d never been loved.. I brushed it all off and gave him another chance. After that, my Nan became ill. He offered no support, not one bit. So in the end I decided to cut contact and kick him out of my life again. He didn’t argue, he didn’t even respond. 

This was about two and a half years ago.

Since then, I’d seen him once. He took my to see my brother  (his son), and didn’t say a word to me the whole way there or back (45 minutes each way). I thought that was that.

So imagine my surprise, when I’m out with Joe’s family last night, and he turns up at the pub! He definitely saw me, 100%, but he didn’t even acknowledge me.

I was angry. Why was he there? He lived nowhere near there last I heard. 

In the end, I went to him. I said I was saying hello as he clearly wasn’t going to. Now I know I kicked him out of my life, so it’s not completely unreasonable that he wouldn’t say hello. But when I asked why, he told me he didn’t recognise me. I am meant to believe he didn’t recognise his own daughter. 

My face hasn’t changed. And I look like him so it was rubbish. He’d also walked past Joe a few times. Anyway, that made me angry. Really angry. I told him I didn’t know why I’d come over and he just said “ok”.

So I went back. I told him how amazing I was doing. That I was so close to a masters degree if I wanted it. That I was getting married next year. That I had the most wonderful family around me. His response? “Ok”. His ONLY daughter is getting married and his response was “ok”.

I was livid, shaking and I left. I couldn’t even believe what had happened.

He was so cold. So indifferent to me. I could have been anyone.

I know some of you reading this may think that I’m being a bit harsh, and when I tell the story it comes across like that. But if you’d seen the look on his face. Complete indifference. Coldness. It hurt.

It felt like I’d been stabbed 100 times. I don’t even know why. I don’t want him in my life. I don’t want his approval and I certainly don’t want his praise.

I guess there was always a part of me that thought he respected my wishes to stay away but he did care. I was wrong.

It was the worst way to find out, but I now know that he doesn’t care about anyone other than himself.

I now know for a fact that I am better off without him.

They say you can’t choose your family. I disagree. I choose to not have him as part of mine.

C.x

(Please, understand that there is a lot of background to this. I might share it one day but it’s a bit difficult in one post)

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Author: itsjustlittleoldme

C.x

8 thoughts on “Just because you donated DNA does not make you my Dad.”

    1. ❤ it’s so difficult. I’m glad you understood my post though. Was a little worried.

      I’ve been following your blog for the past few weeks too!! I hope everything goes well xxx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you.
        I have an absent father. Left when i was 6, barely had contact and when he did, palmed us off to his gf’s parents. It quickly just stopped. At 15 i asked for financial help for a ski trip…he was late so i called to chase him, he told me ‘dont speak to your father that way’
        Thats the last time i talked to him.
        At 21 his new, and 3rd wife found me on friendsreunited, told me he missed me everyday blah blah and they wanted me to be a part of their family. Shes 2 years older than me. I asked her to get him to email me.
        One question ‘why did you leave me and my brother’ he told me he wasnt prepared to answer that. I told him i didnt want him in my life until he grew up. That was 11/12 years ago.
        Like you i was engaged, he didnt care. If i saw him, i expect itd be exactly the same as it was for you.

        Youve nothing to worry about xxx

        Like

        1. That’s awful. He sounds like a total waste of space and energy. And it sounds like you have an amazing relationship with your mum so you don’t need him. You don’t need a man acting as a child in your life, what’s the point?

          It just astounds me how selfish they are. They have no idea of the hurt they cause, and if they do, they probably don’t even care. I hope one day he sees how stupid he was and sees what you’ve done for yourself, and realises what an idiot he is.

          When I said I’m glad you understood, I didn’t mean I was glad you were going through something similar, more that I was glad I wasn’t misinterpreted.

          C.x

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Oh no i know what you meant. I just wanted you to know you werent alone in the shit ‘father’ game.
            We are awesome without them so why bother when we clearly mean nothing.
            Im off to get stabbed in the butt now (IVF meds) talk soon xx

            Like

  1. I am so sorry you had to go through this. And such relations don’t really go away – they are present at the back of the cupboard; if we are lucky they may never resurface unless we want them to. I hope you find your peace soon.

    Like

    1. Don’t be sorry, I guess we all need to go through things we don’t want to and it all makes us stronger. I’m sure I’ll be okay soon, writing this post actually helped me a little as it helped get things off my chest. I hope he never resurfaces, I really do.
      I think what makes me most angry is that there are people out there who are desperate for a child, men out there fighting daily to see their children, and then there are morons like him who ruin every chance they have.

      Thank you for reading.

      C.x

      Like

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