Just because you donated DNA does not make you my Dad.

I’m not sure if I’ve shared this with you all before, but I need to get a lot off my chest and my other platforms don’t really seem appropriate. 

When I was 18, my “Dad” reached out to me via Facebook after he had not been in my life for around 17-18 years. There are a lot of reasons for this, my Mum kept him away, but for our safety. He didn’t try and get contact. He instead sent my Mum a letter saying he’d seen me walking around. Mum then got a solicitor to send him a letter asking him to stay away. This is a real simplified version of the story, just know my Mum did exactly the right thing.

Anyway, we started talking and sort of built a relationship. I told him I wanted him in my life but I didn’t need a dad anymore, I was an adult. He accepted it at the time.

Anyway, as time went on, it became me making the effort more and more, with him never making the first move. I confronted him, and he said he didn’t know how to show his emotions because he’d never been loved.. I brushed it all off and gave him another chance. After that, my Nan became ill. He offered no support, not one bit. So in the end I decided to cut contact and kick him out of my life again. He didn’t argue, he didn’t even respond. 

This was about two and a half years ago.

Since then, I’d seen him once. He took my to see my brother  (his son), and didn’t say a word to me the whole way there or back (45 minutes each way). I thought that was that.

So imagine my surprise, when I’m out with Joe’s family last night, and he turns up at the pub! He definitely saw me, 100%, but he didn’t even acknowledge me.

I was angry. Why was he there? He lived nowhere near there last I heard. 

In the end, I went to him. I said I was saying hello as he clearly wasn’t going to. Now I know I kicked him out of my life, so it’s not completely unreasonable that he wouldn’t say hello. But when I asked why, he told me he didn’t recognise me. I am meant to believe he didn’t recognise his own daughter. 

My face hasn’t changed. And I look like him so it was rubbish. He’d also walked past Joe a few times. Anyway, that made me angry. Really angry. I told him I didn’t know why I’d come over and he just said “ok”.

So I went back. I told him how amazing I was doing. That I was so close to a masters degree if I wanted it. That I was getting married next year. That I had the most wonderful family around me. His response? “Ok”. His ONLY daughter is getting married and his response was “ok”.

I was livid, shaking and I left. I couldn’t even believe what had happened.

He was so cold. So indifferent to me. I could have been anyone.

I know some of you reading this may think that I’m being a bit harsh, and when I tell the story it comes across like that. But if you’d seen the look on his face. Complete indifference. Coldness. It hurt.

It felt like I’d been stabbed 100 times. I don’t even know why. I don’t want him in my life. I don’t want his approval and I certainly don’t want his praise.

I guess there was always a part of me that thought he respected my wishes to stay away but he did care. I was wrong.

It was the worst way to find out, but I now know that he doesn’t care about anyone other than himself.

I now know for a fact that I am better off without him.

They say you can’t choose your family. I disagree. I choose to not have him as part of mine.

C.x

(Please, understand that there is a lot of background to this. I might share it one day but it’s a bit difficult in one post)

Happy Fathers Day.

My Mum was my Dad. But to all you Fathers out there. Have a wonderful day.

To all you Dads out there whose children know that you love them; those of you who fight day in day out to be a part of your children’s lives; those of you who genuinely love and want to be there for your children. And to all of you who have a Dad like that, treasure them. Not all of us have that.

My Dad never cared about me. My Mum left him when I was a baby for my own safety. I let him come back into my life when I was 18 only to be bitterly disappointed when I realised he only found me so he could make himself out to be a great man. Instead, he decided to make me feel like I didn’t matter at all – so I broke it all off. He wasn’t there when he should have been, so I have no business letting him back into my life again.

Instead, I dedicated Father’s Day to my Mum. The one who acted as both parents to me my entire life. So thank you Mum, for everything.

Happy Father’s Day.

C.x

The Blogging from A-Z Challenge!

Oops, I’m up to C which was actually due on Friday, so we’ll go with a feeling that was relevant then.

Confused.

Confused because I don’t understand how parents can make their children feel so low. So unwanted. So alone. Confused as to how parents can just accept the fact that  their children don’t want to know them without any kind of fight.

My little brother and I have now told our “Dad” that we want him out of our lives. In fact, a year ago today (the real today, not Friday) I told him I wanted him out of my life. I’d gone long enough without him and it didn’t make a difference with him being in and out of my life. I was done. Recently, my brother did the same. Did our “Dad” put up a fight? No. He accepted it and walked away. I guess he just doesn’t care that much.

I know a lot of people would kill to have their Dad back in their lives. The difference between me and them, they might have had a Dad that actually cared. Not a Dad that turned up after 18 years expecting things to be okay. Not a Dad that couldn’t be bothered to make an effort. Not a Dad that didn’t think he needed to be there while their daughter was going through the worst time of a life. They might have had a Dad that actually loved them. And I’m jealous, but at the same time I’m not. I’ve got an amazing Mum who’s done everything for me, and an amazing fater figure in Joe’s Dad.

I guess I’m just confused as to why someone would make themselves a parent, if they have no interest in being one.

C.x

Appreciate who, not what, you’ve got.

Remember the people in your life who are there when you lose everything else.

The world is so focused on the materialistic things in life. I’m guilty of it just as much as anyone – see my last post for example, but I am aware that the people in my life are the ones who mean more than any amount of money ever could. When was the last time you looked around and appreciated just how much love you have around you?

Your parents.

Your parents created and raised you. Continue reading “Appreciate who, not what, you’ve got.”