Failure is giving up

Sometimes, when you’re having a bad day, week or month, everything can seem bleak. It can feel as though nothing is going well and that you can’t really get to where you need to be. Sometimes, it’s difficult to just get on.

We all have them. Some of us more than others. The important thing to do though, is find something that keeps you going. I can guarantee we all have something.

How do I know? How do I know that you have something to hold on to? I don’t know you’re story, nor do I pretend to. But what I do know, if you’re reading this, is that you’re still here.

You’re still here, and you’ve managed to do as much as either looking through blogs. Seen that I’ve posted a new one. Or just generally browsing the internet. Whatever you were doing when you came across my blog, you were doing something.

For me, I have a few things. I have a job that I love. I have a husband (still can’t get used to this) that I adore. I have the gym, where I can focus on me and forget about the outside world. I also have my books – when I get time. We all have places and things to do that can let us escape from reality for a little while. They are our “happy places”.

I’m not 100% sure of what the point of the blog was. It was about failure to begin with, and how you haven’t failed until you’ve stopped trying. Doing something everyday, no matter how big or small will stop you from failing.

Here’s a little tip for when you’re feeling rubbish. Someone once told me that if you smile when you don’t feel like it, it tricks your brain into thinking you’re happy. I have no idea if it’s true, but it does make me laugh. And when I laugh it puts me in a better mood and a better mind space.

Anyway, if I type anymore, I’ll be rambling. So off I go to bed.

Speak to you all soon.

C.x

 

Relief

Relieved

I’d written half a post about how I hadn’t felt a sense of relief in a while due to my high anxiety levels. But, I’ve already written a post today about my anxiety so I feel as though you probably want to read something a little more upbeat.

So, I’ll tell you about the relief I felt when I saw my now husband at the end of the aisle just over 5 weeks ago.

I’d been told he was ready, he was on his way and he was fine. I’d been told this 100 times.

I’d had friends telling me we were perfect for each other and the wedding would be beautiful.

I’d had him tell me himself that he would be there.

I even saw him when I was driving into the register office!

But, there was still a small part of me that thought he wouldn’t be there. That he’d changed his mind at the last minute and ran. That he didn’t want to be my husband after all.

Then I saw him. I saw my best friend standing at the other end of the aisle waiting for me to walk down and take his hand and become his wife.

5 weeks later, I’m happier than every – obviously still in the happiness of newlywed bliss – and looking forward to feeling the relief I do every time I see him. He fixes the hard days, and tries his best to get rid of my anxieties.

To my best friend, and my best source of relief. I thank you.

C.x

Happy New Year.

I don’t normally buy into the “new year new me” thing, because it’s wrong. You don’t just change overnight, it takes time. Instead, I’m going to focus on what I’ve learned in 2015 to carry forward.

Don’t take those you love for granted. When I lost my Nanny I didn’t know what to do, so when I lost my Granddad in September I was heartbroken. I took them for granted my entire life and there’s nothing I regret more. In 2016, I’m going to make sure I make more time for those I love, visit home more and make sure those I love know I love them. Now I’ve got the most beautiful little niece to dote on, and a nephew coming in March and I can’t wait to be the best auntie I can be.

Life gets hard, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it. Passing my degree was hard, dealing with grief was hard, moving out and going it by ourselves was hard, going back to uni was hard. But it didn’t matter how hard it got, every second was worth it.

Money isn’t everything. Since we moved out, everyone has been asking us if we’re okay for money. I mean, I appreciate everyone asking, checking we’re not struggling, I just wish they’d ask if we were doing well ourselves. Getting on with living on our own.

I know it doesn’t sound like much, but my main lessons learned is that love can conquer everything. It doesn’t matter how low you feel or how hard things get, if you’re surrounded by the people you love then they can get you through it. It’s time for me to be there for everyone I love.

2015 has been a great year for me aside from losing my Granddad, but I’m taking important lessons through into the new year.

Wherever you are tonight, whatever you’re doing, I ask two things of you. 1. Make sure those who you love know you love them. And 2. Stay safe.

See you all in the new year!

C.x

I apologise.

I’d apologise, but sometimes we need to make time for our families.

To my body.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry about the amount of processed food you’re about to eat over the next few days. I’m sorry about the lack of exercise you’ll get to counteract it. I’m sorry about the tiredness you’ll feel.

At the same time though, I’m not sorry.  I’m not sorry because my Granddad is here. I’m not sorry because my Granddad is treating me. I’m not sorry because I don’t know how long I have with my Granddad so I’m not wasting it feeling guilty.

I promise I’ll make it up to you when I hike and get you back into shape. Until then.

C.x

That’s me, I’m afraid.

Deciding to accept myself for who I am.

I’ve been fighting against myself for so long. I think it’s time to just accept who I am.

I’m anxious.
I’m insecure.
I want to be liked.
I get jealous sometimes.
My past is horrible.
I’m terrified of losing the ones I love.
I’ll never have the perfect body.
I’ll never get perfect marks.
I’ll always have spots, marks and blemishes.

If we don’t love ourselves how can we expect anyone else to love us? I’ve been lucky enough to find someone who accepts me for me and now it’s time for me to do the same for myself.

C.x

A Real Smile.

An escape from reality is sometimes all we need.

I’ve never really liked being alone but I used to be okay with it. I guess I’d just gotten used to it. The last few months though, I’ve hated being alone. It makes me feel tense, lonely and anxious and today I’d had enough. I wanted to feel normal again. I wanted to feel okay again. I wanted to feel happy even when I’m by myself. So I asked Joe to buy me a colouring book.  Continue reading “A Real Smile.”

That growing up thing.

It’s time to grow up. It’s time to settle down.

For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to be independent. My own place, a good job and a family. Something I can be proud of. Well, it’s happening guys!

This time last year I was so focused on getting married, having kids and moving out that I didn’t realise what any of it really entailed. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to get married and have children but the home needs to come first. Joe and I need to be settled before we do anything. So we’re getting settled down.

Today we went to two flat viewings, applied for a loan to kickstart everything and looked at all the other bits and pieces we need to make it all happen! So fingers crossed for us everyone!

C.x