Mind over matter.

Mind over matter. That’s what I tell myself when I feel physically weak at the end of a 5k in 20 degree heat. It’s what I tell myself when I’m struggling to walk in my heels after a fun night out. It’s what I tellmyself when I’m too tired to wake up and get out of bed for work on a Monday morning. But what do I say it’s my mind that’s the problem. What happens when I can’t get over the matter because my mind is blocking me. That’s how I feel at the moment. Blocked.

I was doing so well. I’d been discharged from my CBT for my minor OCD traits and my anxiety around the house and things was actually reducing. Then BAM out of nowhere, social anxiety decides to come straight back to me. Making me doubt myself, the relationships I have and the way in which I get on with my life.

It’s very difficult for people without these kinds of feelings to understand those of us with them. I had a discussion with a friend the other day about forming relationships with people, and about how if you reallywant to get to know someone you’ll make a real effort to find some common ground with them. While I totally agree, the thought of starting up a conversation with someone and asking them a lot of questions about their lives terrifies me. I can’t get past the thoughts of “I’m bugging them”, “they’re bored of talking to me now”, “oh no have I gotten the conversation onto me again”, “they’re going to think I’m so boring”, “they’re going to go and talk about what an idiot I am”. So, to stop myself feeling like that, I just don’t do it.

J is the one that helps me though. He can talk to anyone about anything. As a result, he usually helps me find a way to make some kind of friendship with someone. Yet, the only person outside of my marriage and family that I can say I’m 100% comfortable with is my best friend. However, just because I’m comfortable with these people, it doesn’t mean I don’t get the same thoughts. I’m often worrying that I’ve irritated J, or upset my best friend. This making relationships thing is really difficult, which is why I don’t do it.

I would rather sit by myself with a book, holding J’s hand than have to put myself through the ordeal of meeting new people and trying to make friends.

I guess that’s why I find online so easy. There’s no pressure to reply. No pressure to interact. I can just post and leave. Not quite so simple in real life.



We voted to leave.

The UK decided to leave the EU today. A decision that could have very easily gone the other way and a decision that is being argued by almost half of the public it seems. It’s led to the resignation of our Prime Minister, the gloating of a member of another party, and a very happy Boris. The thing is though, none of us really know what this means.
Yes, the pound did plummet. Did we really expect it not to? It’s uncertain, and I’m sure it’ll bounce back. Yes, it was very close. And yes, it appears the older generation took control of the vote and this was the reason for the Leave campaign taking victory.
But, what has shocked me the most today, is not that we decided to leave the EU, it’s the awful way people I know are treating others today. Those that voted out are now being branded as the following: bigots, intolerant, narrow minded, racists, stupid, at fault for everything that could possibly go wrong with leaving the EU. This is disgusting. We are all people; we were all friends yesterday, but now the Remain camp seems to think it’s perfectly acceptable to call the Leave camp all these names, without actually speaking to anyone. I’ve seen a few of my friends having to completely defend themselves for having come to their own conclusion for the future of Britain. 
Not everyone voted due to immigration. Not everyone voted due to money. Some voted due to wanting power back. Some voted due to wanting to be fairer to the wider world. Some voted because they were scared of the other way – this is the problem.
Had both campaigns carried out truthful, informative work, we probably wouldn’t be sat here hating each other. Instead, both campaigns used fear. The Leave campaign said we’d be flooded by immigrants and we’d have no reason to cry over a terrorist attack if we remained. The Remain campaign said that if we left the EU we’d have no back up, no friends and our economy would crumble. How are people meant to make informed decisions having this shoved down their throats.
The Leave campaign had awful faces – Nigel Farage, Katie Hopkins and even Donald Trump has supported Brexit – which is most likely the cause of every person voting out being branded racist. It’s time people realised that we are free people, capable of making decisions. We called for a vote. We called for our right to democracy and we got it. We used our votes and we voted to Leave.
Now is the time to pull together to make sure we get through this change in one piece, not begin tearing each other to pieces on day one. We don’t know the future. Who knows, this could be the best thing to ever happy to the UK.

Disclaimer – I know this isn’t the best written piece you’ll read, especially on the EU. I don’t have a knack for this kind of thing, but this is a platform I feel I won’t be attacked for airing this. This is a platform I feel I could have some kind of actual conversation and decent debate with someone.