A Letter.

Dear Nanny and Granddad,

I’m having a reallly hard time without you at the moment, everything is going so well and I wish with everything I have that you were here to witness it.

I passed my first exam the other day – I did really well and all I wanted to do as tell you about it all. I want to tell you about how I’m getting married next year and I can’t wait for you to see me walking down the aisle. To see me finally marry the love of my life.

Am I forgetting you?

Am I forgetting you? I must be. I don’t think of you every day. It doesn’t hurt every day. I don’t look to the sky every night like I used to and I don’t look at my tattoo and cry.

I forgot your birthday on Tuesday. It’s only your second birthday without you here and I forgot. Yes, everyone says it’s fine because of everything else going on, but how can it be fine to forget your birthday. How can it be fine to forget you.

It’s not just you, Nanny. It’s Granddad too. We only lost him a few months ago and I don’t think of him every day. The only time I get upset is when I see other people upset. When I see my Mum upset.

I don’t want to forget you. I don’t even want to miss you, but missing you it better than forgetting you.

I love you both, with all my heart.

C.x

Homesick.

I’ve never been more homesick in my entire life.

I moved to London nearly four years ago. 100 miles away from where I grew up in Bournemouth. Of course I’ve had the odd day where I’ve been fed up and all I’ve wanted is a cuddle from my Mum, but today is different. I don’t know why, it just is.

No, I do know why. Tomorrow, my sister is being induced to become a Mummy. Her little baby girl will be here before we know it and here I am, miles away, not even able to support her when she needs me the most. It just feels as though it’s another massive thing to happen to my family since I’ve been away. Come March/April, I’ll have missed another massive thing – my brother becoming a Daddy.

 

 

I just want to be closer to my family. Joe is amazing, and so is his family, but I miss mine. I miss cuddling my Mum when I’m upset. I miss bickering with my siblings. I miss hearing my littlest sisters laughing when I tickle them, or the look on their faces when they see something magical.

I know this is all part of growing up. I just wish it wouldn’t suck so much right now.

C.x