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I’m forever sharing my posts on his blog and never give anything back. So here you go, go and post a link of something you’ve posted recently or something. While you’re at it, why don’t you check out some other blogs that are being shared too?
C.x

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Granddad.

I’m trying to make the most of him being here. I just wish I had longer with him.

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Some of you might remember that I mentioned that my Granddad has cancer. The doctors were really positive at first, surgery was offered and we were really hopeful.

Then they said surgery won’t work. The tumours are too big and it’s not safe. Chemotherapy and radiotherapy were offered, he’s declined. The chances of it working are just too small for him to go through the horrible effects of the treatment. So he’s not fighting.

I understand. Of course I do. He knows it’s not worth making himself really sick with little chance of it working. It’s just hard to accept. It’s hard to accept that I’m going to lose my Granddad. Especially so soon after losing Nanny. I know it’s selfish, but I don’t want to lose my Granddad. I want him here.

I guess I’m lucky though. He got to see me graduate. He got to see me succeed. He was there for both him and Nanny.

I just don’t know how I’m meant to do this. I’ll be the one who’s there for everyone – I was for Nanny. I know Joe will be there for me but I don’t like leaning on him. I don’t like putting it all on him it’s not fair.

Cancer is a really shitty thing. It hurts way too many people and takes too many people away too early. Nanny went before she should have done and now Granddad’s leaving too. The only upside? They’ll be back together again.

C.x

Life gets hard.

Sometimes it’s impossible to switch off. I just don’t understand how to do it.

Feeling on edge is horrible. Feeling as if you’re failing is horrible. Having both all at the same time is one of the worst feelings I’ve ever come across. I know it will all eventually leave and go away, but at the moment I feel as though I’m sinking under an enormous amount of pressure that is being put on me by nobody but myself.
I have always had this need to succeed. While I believe this is a good trait to have because it’s pushed me further than I ever thought possible, it makes it incredibly hard to take criticism and have lapses of confidence. Although I haven’t failed, I feel as though I have.
My entire life I’ve been “the clever one”. The one who enjoyed school, who didn’t get into trouble, who got on with what she was supposed to get on with. To an extent, I’m still that person. I do what I need to do. Everything gets done by the time it needs to be done. I’m just petrified of failing and letting people down. Continue reading “Life gets hard.”

I DID IT!

It was genuinely the hardest three years of my entire life, but I made it. I graduated with a Second Class (Upper Division) Honours Degree.

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I graduated. Among the friends I made during the hardest three years of my life so far. We somehow managed to get through it and actually graduate!

I’d like to announce that I officially graduated from City University London with a Second Class (Upper Division) Degree.

A big thank you to everyone who made this happen – seriously, I couldn’t have done this alone!

I hope you’re all having just as good a day as I am.

C.x

My best friend, my soul mate.

What makes Joe amazing? Everything.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Born to Be With You.”

To find your soul mate is a blessing. For that person to be your best friend too is amazing. I’m lucky, I’m going to one day marry my best friend. Some of you might already know about Joe – I do sometimes talk about him a lot – but today’s prompt has asked for detail on what makes him amazing. I won’t go into too much detail though – promise! Continue reading “My best friend, my soul mate.”